Schoolgirl with Full Metal Style Set to Attend Switch 2 in October

Sure, here’s the re-imagined article:

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“They can’t have ice cream, not anymore!”

So, you’re scratching your head, wondering where the heck those Switch 2 game announcements are hiding. Well, turns out, they’re tucked away in this trippy vision of 2089 Japan. Weird, right? Anyway, D3Publisher is rolling up their sleeves to fix this — thank goodness — with Full Metal Schoolgirl dropping on October 23rd.

Yuke’s, the brain behind EARTH DEFENSE FORCE: World Brothers 2 and AEW: Fight Forever, is cooking up this “action-packed, heavy-duty” saga. Or so says the trailer. Honestly, I had to replay it twice because I got distracted. But yeah, it’s intense.

Need the deets? Here’s what the press release offers:

Picture this: It’s 2089, and Japan’s gnarly dystopia is dominated by Meternal Jobz (real subtle name), a sketchy corporate giant with zombified cyborg workers — “Working Dead.” Endless shifts, no breaks. Our contender? A fully armed cyborg schoolgirl. Weird flex, but okay. You charge up a 100-story skyscraper, cutting through undead salary guys, some evil CEO, and mind-boggling security systems. All for revenge. Got goosebumps yet? No? Just me?

And why set it in the future? Oh well. Here’s more:

Unleash your inner cyborg schoolgirl: Load up with futuristic guns and nifty gadgets in this shooter adventure. Hedge into Meternal Jobz — where cringe-worthy undead salaryman zombies are relentless defenders. Serious chaos ensues.

Navigate a shape-shifting skyscraper! More like a twisted corporate funhouse. Each climb whips new surprises with changing layouts. Hey, wasn’t this supposed to be an office?

Livestream for upgrades? Up the ante with battles broadcasted live. Viewer donations fund your gear. More views, more support! Kinda like a rowdy game show with shootouts.

Still no Switch 2 pre-orders, but the official site’s got more juicy bits if you’re itching to dive in.

So, there you have it. Full Metal Schoolgirl — mixing rebellion with flashy cyborg antics. Feels like biting a chili pepper when you thought it was a mild bell pepper. Spicy stuff!